I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Less talking, more tequila
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
