Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
