but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
