so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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