did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
