Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
