I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
