you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
