I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
