dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
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Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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