so let's talk penis.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
don't judge my taste in strippers
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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