I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize