so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
