Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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