a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
