i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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