Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
