and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
time to smoke my breakfast
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
