I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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