So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
