she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
