We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
