Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
