I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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