I am spending my child support on dildos
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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