I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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