I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
