This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
