When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
