i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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