Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Quick, to the slutcave!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
