smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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