At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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