In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize