He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
