when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
do herpes really smell.
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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