All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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