i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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