Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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