I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i think my cat just said my name.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
