4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize