I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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