I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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