took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize