Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
