I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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