They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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