and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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