I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.