I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."