You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
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cat food counts as protein by the way
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
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This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night