He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day