Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
