so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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