I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
