I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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