The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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