could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
