I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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