My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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