I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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