oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
