I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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