never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
