He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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