the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
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I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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