she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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